Lunch

I did pretty well at lunch. I'm feeling nauseous today and I have bad cramps. Probably from the laxatives. But, that's my own fault. I will not binge today. I can tell it'll be a good day, eating wise. But anywho, here's what I shoved down at lunch.

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1/4 of a blueberry bagel: 73 cal.

1.2 eggs: 93 cal.

Total: 166 cal.

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I just feel like I need to ease back in a bit slower. So I'll probably eat a fruit Popsicle later (60 cal.) and then maybe like 200 cal. for dinner. I had nothing for breakfast :)

My brain is just being super loud today. I'm trying to drown out my thoughts with Halsey music, but it isn't working. I hope I'm not actually getting sick. I'm going to try and go for a run later. I hope I feel well enough.

Kudos,

Ren

 

Poem- Feeling Down :(

This has nothing to do with Ana but I wrote a poem and decided to blog it. I'm feeling a little down.

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Turn the gun on yourself because you're the one you can't trust
Baby I'm out of my mind but you like me that way
Watch the normal people running, running from what?
From us?
We live in the tiny, invisible spaces between "almost" and "completely"
Are we the crazy ones?
Are they?
Isn't that something someone crazy would say?
Tragic isn't real
Only honest
Kids these days think they can't deal
Should we tell them it only gets worse?
Baby I'm not sad, just cold
Just honest
But you like me that way
I'd try anything once
And you,
You're an addict,
a drunk
But I like you that way
It makes you like me because

Baby, I don't need the drugs ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yeah I don't know. It barely rhymes. Did you like it? Does anyone have and tips for when you're feeling depressed? 

Binge

  So okay I binged yesterday. I honestly can't believe it. That just goes to show how much control I've lost! I remember standing on Goal #6 last time, 180 lbs. Still fat, but standing at 5'11, it was okay. I'm so sick of being fat. Anyway,  I took two laxatives last night to clean myself out. It was awful, but serve me right. Today, I'm drinking lot's of water and restricting, restricting restricting. A 25 cal. Popsicle for breakfast, and some cauliflower soup (60 cal.) for lunch. Or, even better, skip breakfast and work out instead. I'm going to go for a run today too.
   But yeah. It's over, and now I'm left to fix it. I need to do some crunches..if only we still had the old treadmill up. I think I might develop a mantra, and sign the end of all my posts with it. It might give me some extra motive! Okay so here we go...

I am strong

I will be strong

I will have willpower like titanium

I am invincible

Well?

Yeah not really a mantra. Oh well, I still like it. By the way, on a fitness blog last night, I found a beautiful set of exercises! Lazy girl exercises! They're great. I did about 50 reverse crunches last night. It was a little less strenuous too, which is good because I need to work my core muscles back up.

  But yeah. So that's pretty much all that happened. I binged but now I'm fixing it, blah blah blah. I might post the recepie for the cauliflower soup later. It's really easy, and low cal., and delicious.  I hope one of you lovely people emails me with some support :( I'm a bit down today. Well...Cya!

~Ren           

 

Ugh

When did I get so fat? I can't believe I'm actually hungry. I actually considered eating there for a second. Yikes. But nope, I thought about this blog and decided to make a post instead. Mom went out to get me chicken noodle soup for dinner. I think one can is like 180 calories. She also said she's picking up some popsicles because I'm "sick". But don't worry, guys. She always gets the sugar free kind because she's diabetic. I think one sugar free popsicle is like 25 calories, so I'll probably have one for breakfast tomorrow. Anyway, here's my intake for today;

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Breakfast;

3/4 of a medium bananna: 80 cal.

1 tiny bite of cheese: 5 cal.

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Lunch;

1/2 of a porkchop: 114 cal.

3 bites corn: 12 cal.

1/8 of a yam: 20 cal.

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1 can chicken noodle soup: 150 cal.

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Total;

381 cal.

So I've done good today! I may have gotten some of the cal. counts wrong, but my total it definitely under 500. And I was just trying to stay under 1000! No wonder I'm hungry. Might have a popsicle, but might not because I don't want to eat too much before bed. But yeah. Other than being a bit peckish, I feel excellent. Can't wait until Monday!!

  Update;

Mom came home and shoved a fruit juice popsicle down my throat, and almost a Payday! Luckily I avoided the Payday by saying I had a sore throat and couldn't swallow it. And the fruit popsicle was only 60 calories, so my total is 441 cal. for today. Still alright.

~Ren 

""Sick"" ;)

  Okay, So right now I'm pretending to be sick to explain my "loss of appetite". Luckily, my mom is also complaining of flu symptoms, so I can just pretend I have the same thing! Convenient! I can probably drag this out for about a week. Next week, however, I'm starting the Skinny Girl diet, and I don't know how I'm going to explain that. Sigh. I'd really rather not tell her I'm trying to lose weight, because I've tried so many times before and failed. Now, whenever I go on a diet, she just gets this
look on her face like "She'll never do it".
  I hate that. But I'm committed this time to the ana lifestyle, and she'll realize that it's not just another diet when I'm standing on my first goal! I'm going to start exercising light this week. Yesterday, I went for a bike ride. Today I might do some Just Dance or Wii Fit, and Thursday I might go swimming or for a walk. I go rollerskating on Saturday's and sometimes Friday's as well, and that burns a shitload of calories. I might take laxatives tomorrow just to clean me out, but I really hate the whole laxative experience, so I rarely use them.
  Soon I'll put up a "Tips and Tricks" page! I bet you guys will love that. Next week, I'm starting a new sleep schedule next week, getting up at 7:00 AM and going to bed at 10:00 PM. Well, that's pretty much it. Anyway, stay skinny!

~Ren

Hello!

Hi girls! I'm Ren, and this is my Ana blog! I'm not new, I was deep in the game awhile back, but I quit because I was weak. Now, I'm back to the ana life and stronger than ever!

STATS;

Height; 5'11

Weight; 271.2 lbs :(

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Goal #1; 260 lbs

Goal #2; 250 lbs

Goal #3; 225 lbs

Goal #4; 210 lbs

Goal #5; 200 lbs

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I'm fat, I know. These are just my goals for this year. I want to be standing on Goal #5 by January 1st. My second set of goals are;

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Goal #6; 180 lbs

Goal #7; 160 lbs

Goal #8; 150 lbs

Goal #9; 140 lbs

Ultimate Goal Weight; 110

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Whew! 110 lbs at 5'11! Is it possible? Can I do it?

Hell yes.

I'm easing myself slowly back into the ana lifestyle, and it's kicking my ass already. But I can do it. I'm just so sick of not having any self-control. So far, I'm just trying to make sure I'm always at least slightly hungry. My stomach needs to shrink. But next week I'm starting the Skinny Girl diet!

I'm soooo excited to be back with all my beautiful skinnies <3