New Plan (Again)

Hey guys,
Starting tomorrow, I'm going on 800 calories a day for the rest of the month. It's a bit of a jump, but I think I'll be fine. I'm one of those Ana's who isn't really big on exercising, but with the calorie jump I'm going to start doing some yoga. I'm also going back to my Zumba classes and I might start doing step aerobics in the mornings, depending. My medicine cabinet is once again BARE. I need like 40,000 more things. If anyone has some diet pills they'd like to recommend, now is the time. I'm also trying to drink more water, but I'm one of those people who hates the taste of water. So, I use flavor packets. My favorite are the green apple jolly rancher flavor, and they're 10-15 calories for one flavor packet. I'm going to start trying to drink two bottles of water a day. Tomorrow I go back to school, so I won't have my parents breathing down my neck all day about my eating. Okay, well, that's all. Stay skinny!

New Years

Hey guys!
                  I haven't posted in awhile because I've been busy with school and work and all that crazy life stuff, but now I'm back, so hurrah! I just wanted to come out and say that I'm under 100 calories for today! YES! It's currently 1:10 PM too, so I'm doing well. I can't wait for tomorrow because I'm going out with my squad to celebrate the New Year. 2016 is going to be so great! Recently, I've found a new craving-crusher food. Werther's Sugar-Free Hard Candies! The caramel ones are great, and only 40 calories for 5! That's right folks, only 8 calories a piece! They're my favorite for those mid-day cravings I always get. Another thing, I don't know if I told you, but I have a MyProAna account now. If you don't know the site, you must look it up! The link is www.myproana.com and you just make an account and viola! It's great, because there's support for other eating disorders on there too. (Ex. Binge Eating Disorder or PICA, both of which I suffer from. The PICA disorder means eating strange non-food items. I'm undiagnosed with that, but why else would I eat blue pen ink?) By the way, my name on MyProAna is RenAmelia, just in case you want to look me up. I'll be adding to my thinspo collection soon, so not to worry. Anyway, Happy New Years!

So great!

I'm doing fantastic today with my new upped calorie count of 750. It was just what I needed! Can't say much now, as I'm on mobile, but I'm doing great! Stay strong loves!

New Plan

I binged yet again today. I think I know what it is. I thought I was being too strict, but maybe I'm not being strict enough. I'm going to boost my caloric intake to 1000 and add more exercise. I have to remember I'm starting at a higher BMI this time. Last time I started at 1200 calories a day and finally dropped to 500. I might just have to do that. Sigh. Stay strong girls, if anyone is even reading this. I could really use an Ana buddy.
Skinny love,
Ren

I'm back!

Hey guys! I was gone for awhile, hopefully not too long, but I'm back now! I don't want to turn into one of those Ana bloggers who it never on. Anyway, nothing to report, except my ana medicine cabinet is a barren wasteland! I'm out of everything! By the way, here's some stuff you should have in your ana medicine cabinet;

Caffeine Pills: Caffeine suppresses appetite and gets you going when you're running on an empty tank. I recommend Vivarin, not NoDoz.

Laxatives: To get you nice and empty before a fast or if you slip up.

Nicotine Lozenges: Nicotine fights cravings. So do mints. Nicotine mints are a godsend.

Sleep Aids: There are helpful when you're up all night with hunger pangs

Diet Pills: I heard Alli is really good, but I haven't had a change to try them

Supplements: You can never take too many supplements. I recommend a multi vitamin, a potassium supplement, and iron. Maybe some Biotin for your hair and nails.

Lunch

I did pretty well at lunch. I'm feeling nauseous today and I have bad cramps. Probably from the laxatives. But, that's my own fault. I will not binge today. I can tell it'll be a good day, eating wise. But anywho, here's what I shoved down at lunch.

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1/4 of a blueberry bagel: 73 cal.

1.2 eggs: 93 cal.

Total: 166 cal.

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I just feel like I need to ease back in a bit slower. So I'll probably eat a fruit Popsicle later (60 cal.) and then maybe like 200 cal. for dinner. I had nothing for breakfast :)

My brain is just being super loud today. I'm trying to drown out my thoughts with Halsey music, but it isn't working. I hope I'm not actually getting sick. I'm going to try and go for a run later. I hope I feel well enough.

Kudos,

Ren

 

Poem- Feeling Down :(

This has nothing to do with Ana but I wrote a poem and decided to blog it. I'm feeling a little down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turn the gun on yourself because you're the one you can't trust
Baby I'm out of my mind but you like me that way
Watch the normal people running, running from what?
From us?
We live in the tiny, invisible spaces between "almost" and "completely"
Are we the crazy ones?
Are they?
Isn't that something someone crazy would say?
Tragic isn't real
Only honest
Kids these days think they can't deal
Should we tell them it only gets worse?
Baby I'm not sad, just cold
Just honest
But you like me that way
I'd try anything once
And you,
You're an addict,
a drunk
But I like you that way
It makes you like me because

Baby, I don't need the drugs ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yeah I don't know. It barely rhymes. Did you like it? Does anyone have and tips for when you're feeling depressed? 

Binge

  So okay I binged yesterday. I honestly can't believe it. That just goes to show how much control I've lost! I remember standing on Goal #6 last time, 180 lbs. Still fat, but standing at 5'11, it was okay. I'm so sick of being fat. Anyway,  I took two laxatives last night to clean myself out. It was awful, but serve me right. Today, I'm drinking lot's of water and restricting, restricting restricting. A 25 cal. Popsicle for breakfast, and some cauliflower soup (60 cal.) for lunch. Or, even better, skip breakfast and work out instead. I'm going to go for a run today too.
   But yeah. It's over, and now I'm left to fix it. I need to do some crunches..if only we still had the old treadmill up. I think I might develop a mantra, and sign the end of all my posts with it. It might give me some extra motive! Okay so here we go...

I am strong

I will be strong

I will have willpower like titanium

I am invincible

Well?

Yeah not really a mantra. Oh well, I still like it. By the way, on a fitness blog last night, I found a beautiful set of exercises! Lazy girl exercises! They're great. I did about 50 reverse crunches last night. It was a little less strenuous too, which is good because I need to work my core muscles back up.

  But yeah. So that's pretty much all that happened. I binged but now I'm fixing it, blah blah blah. I might post the recepie for the cauliflower soup later. It's really easy, and low cal., and delicious.  I hope one of you lovely people emails me with some support :( I'm a bit down today. Well...Cya!

~Ren           

 

Ugh

When did I get so fat? I can't believe I'm actually hungry. I actually considered eating there for a second. Yikes. But nope, I thought about this blog and decided to make a post instead. Mom went out to get me chicken noodle soup for dinner. I think one can is like 180 calories. She also said she's picking up some popsicles because I'm "sick". But don't worry, guys. She always gets the sugar free kind because she's diabetic. I think one sugar free popsicle is like 25 calories, so I'll probably have one for breakfast tomorrow. Anyway, here's my intake for today;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Breakfast;

3/4 of a medium bananna: 80 cal.

1 tiny bite of cheese: 5 cal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lunch;

1/2 of a porkchop: 114 cal.

3 bites corn: 12 cal.

1/8 of a yam: 20 cal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 can chicken noodle soup: 150 cal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Total;

381 cal.

So I've done good today! I may have gotten some of the cal. counts wrong, but my total it definitely under 500. And I was just trying to stay under 1000! No wonder I'm hungry. Might have a popsicle, but might not because I don't want to eat too much before bed. But yeah. Other than being a bit peckish, I feel excellent. Can't wait until Monday!!

  Update;

Mom came home and shoved a fruit juice popsicle down my throat, and almost a Payday! Luckily I avoided the Payday by saying I had a sore throat and couldn't swallow it. And the fruit popsicle was only 60 calories, so my total is 441 cal. for today. Still alright.

~Ren 

""Sick"" ;)

  Okay, So right now I'm pretending to be sick to explain my "loss of appetite". Luckily, my mom is also complaining of flu symptoms, so I can just pretend I have the same thing! Convenient! I can probably drag this out for about a week. Next week, however, I'm starting the Skinny Girl diet, and I don't know how I'm going to explain that. Sigh. I'd really rather not tell her I'm trying to lose weight, because I've tried so many times before and failed. Now, whenever I go on a diet, she just gets this
look on her face like "She'll never do it".
  I hate that. But I'm committed this time to the ana lifestyle, and she'll realize that it's not just another diet when I'm standing on my first goal! I'm going to start exercising light this week. Yesterday, I went for a bike ride. Today I might do some Just Dance or Wii Fit, and Thursday I might go swimming or for a walk. I go rollerskating on Saturday's and sometimes Friday's as well, and that burns a shitload of calories. I might take laxatives tomorrow just to clean me out, but I really hate the whole laxative experience, so I rarely use them.
  Soon I'll put up a "Tips and Tricks" page! I bet you guys will love that. Next week, I'm starting a new sleep schedule next week, getting up at 7:00 AM and going to bed at 10:00 PM. Well, that's pretty much it. Anyway, stay skinny!

~Ren